Since I have started this little blog, I have found a disturbing trend in my mindset. The main purpose of this blog is to keep myself accountable for my own dream and ambitions.
So I don’t let this vision fall away because of cubicle comfort.
It is about opening myself up to the world so everyone knows my desire to do what I love and for others to constantly ask “how is the writing going?” and to be able to respond “Great! I just finished a project yesterday!”
But even knowing the point of this blog does not stop me from constantly checking the one thing that should not matter to me right now.
Seeing how many likes, how many shares, how many visits and so on and so forth until either A) I am elated by the response or B) I sink into pit of self-doubt and pity.
And we all know that the rise is easier than the fall.
Sometimes I will pop on to my blog to see I only had a couple visitors and start to feel down about all of this.
Fully forgetting the entire point of this blog by the shadow of the stats bar that stares at me every time I open WordPress like the Eye of Sauron over the gates of Mordor.
It is not until my wife reminds me that stats are not the point that I finally break the spell and say “oh yeah! You’re right!” which is then followed by a flurry of new writing and purpose.
Until the day comes that I jump on and the stat link glares at me with a beckoning finger. Tempting me to see what may or may not be a punch to the testicles of my ego.
I think this is what people talk about when people give up. Where some people expect a mass audience within a week that never manifests and are instead faced with the reality that the road up the hill is much steeper than expected.
It is times like this that I appreciate having a person that can notice my queues of self-depreciation and can slap my senses back in order to continue on. Without my wife, I would have probably quit ten times already.
And I have barely even started!
When one embarks on a quest, whatever it may be, it is important to find a support network that will pick you back up when an obstacle removes the strength from your spine to hold you upright.
It is hard to break that shell that you have had around you for so long and not miss the security of inaction.
So the next time your mind wanders into the realm of giving up and feelings of ineptitude start to take hold, remember that it is not all about the stats or the numbers. It is about putting one foot in front of the other.